When darkness pulls us under its spell, at times it is difficult to get out and rise from. It traps us underneath, forces beyond our control and all we can do is wait. Try fighting and it only makes it worse. A cloud hangs over us and there’s no telling when it will vanish altogether.
I couldn’t explain where it was coming from. I couldn’t even describe it. It was there. Just like my cough… it was there. There was a need to be alone, cut off everyone trying to make conversation and disconnect. Only the world around me won’t allow it. They wanted to talk, to sit next to me, spend time in the small tolerable spaces I yielded them. Every happy noise seemed like a nuisance and I wanted to shoot it down right away and distance myself from it, but as soon as I turn the corner… another form of joy accosted me.
Opposite’s attract, I guess you could say. These dark episodes was somehow attracting light. People were sharing light even as I tried to run away from it. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but I think this was happening to me in an effort to restore my own light to spread the kind of joy I dispersed before this cloud happened upon me. In this manner, meeting with people instead of dodging them, I was able to escape from under the darkness and restore myself with some form of light inside.
when darkness plunged me deep in its fold,
unbearable is the heft that pulls me down
into its pit and presses me further into
the cold abyss where laughter echoed from
inside the ice building around me, a
fortification from the irksome joy trying
to catch me with its sordid string, entangle
me with its embrace and shave away any frozen
particles that convinced me for a moment to
believe there is no warmth left to cast out
the hope long harbored from inside of me