The word “pain” came to mind this morning. Not a physical one, but how everyone suffers, trapped in the pain carried over from traumas we have not healed from. Pain. It exists, but we don’t know it’s there. We aren’t aware because we have covered it up, shoved it in the darkest corners of our minds, cemented it with pride that we dare not return to it for fear we might find ourselves vulnerable, weak and hurt from being in so much pain.
I’ve had my share of pain, but it pales in comparison to what others endure. Extreme poverty, pain from being prematurely touched, abandonment, divorces, breakups… pain derived from selfishness— the lack of love thereof. This kind of pain goes on and on forever, everyday, every minute, every second. Some are saved from it and recover while others never do. And for those who never do, my prayers go out to you….
Because they may never realize how much pain they are in, I’m afraid it might control them, dictate the way they proceed in the world that they inflict the same pain to others. To carry so much emotional pain while possessing great power… isn’t this the makeup of dictators who have come and gone throughout history? Their internal suffering, the insufferable hell harbored within manifested in heartbreaking ways that millions of lives were sacrificed. Because ego and pride grew exponentially, it made it difficult to see straight and proceed with love as we are intended to do in this world.
Pain teaches us, guides us if we acknowledge it. Too often, we are in a hurry to walk away from pain… we need to live and survive after all. But dealing with our emotional pain, perhaps we should take the time when it presents itself to us again. For then, we can uncover the reasons for our hatred, our vices… what it is that’s holding us back from fulfilling what we are meant to do. Only then, can we participate in filling this world with what God intended us to fill it with… love.
what pain holds, seize it with your
right hand and examine… scrutiny
awaits, be ready to unfold,
let hurt escape even when it hides
in the underbelly where the vigorous
fluorescence dwindles and the lights
turn off like night making it
impossible to see you or feel your
warmth as i search for love